The Devil I Loved: After the Storm Follow-Up

Welcome back to Travel Time Stories with Shannon. I'm Shannon, your host from Texas, and today's episode is a little different. It's a follow up to my four parts series, the Devil I Loved where I shared my story, raw, real, and unfiltered about my life with David. If you've listened to those episodes, you know, it wasn't easy to tell, but it was necessary.

And today I wanna talk more about these types of relationships, how I've grown and what I've learned from sharing my truth.  So grab your favorite beverage and let's get into it.  When I started the devil I loved, I wasn't sure how people would respond. I was scared, honestly, scared of judgment, of reopening wounds, of being misunderstood, but I told it anyway because silence protects the wrong people, and because I knew someone out there needed to hear it.

Nearly half of all women experience psychological abuse by their partners. That number is astounding. And most don't report it or stay in the relationship. One in three teenagers experience dating violence and only 33% report it. Intimate partner violence is very common and happens to one in three women, and most common between the ages of 18 to 34.

At the time I was going through this, the help lines facts and figures were not readily available like they are now. In fact, there was no such thing as forced intimacy by a partner or spouse. It wasn't recognized like it is now. There are so many people who have had similar experiences but have remained silent.

This is why I wanted to share my story, not just for my own personal healing, but for others to hear that they are not alone. And if you are currently in a similar situation, there is help and support, and you don't have to suffer in silence.

The messages I received were overwhelming in the best way. People shared their own stories, their pain, their healing. Some said they finally felt seen. Others said they were inspired to leave toxic relationships to everyone who reached out. Thank you. Your words reminded me that my vulnerability is powerful.

And that we're never truly alone. Your support and the fact that you didn't see me as a failure meant everything to me. I hope that you will continue to listen to my story of survival, strength, and resilience as there is more to come and I pray, to continue to inspire others. There were things I left out of the original series.

Either because I wasn't ready or because I didn't know how to say them. One of those things was how long it took me to forgive myself, not just for staying, but for doubting my own reality, for shrinking myself to fit someone else's version of love. I never forgave myself until now, and this happened to me as a teenager and I am now 50 years old.

You allowing me to share my story is what finally led me to forgiving myself. So thank you. But I've learned that healing isn't linear, and forgiveness, especially of yourself is a journey, not a destination. One of the other things that I haven't spoken of yet was why I kept going back, why I didn't leave sooner.

It's easy when you are on the outside looking in at things to see what is happening and to be detached from it and say, I would've left or never went back. It's a completely different story when you're in it. They literally break your spirit, so you have no fight left. You are isolated from any support, so you forget that there are people out there who still care about and love you.

You truly believe you are in love with this person, and they are your soulmate, which allows you to make excuses for them in your head, and you start to believe those excuses. You become financially dependent upon them. You're constantly monitored. There is a whole plethora of things, but just understand that it is easier said than done to leave.

Then once you do leave, it is extremely difficult not to go back and a lot of people do go back, especially if they don't have the right support, understanding, and love when they first leave. When you finally leave, you are pulled from the only way of life you have known for months or years. You have to face the shame and guilt.

Relearn your warped thinking that happened during this time. Rebuild your love for yourself. Learn to trust again. This was the hardest one of all, at least for me. Learn how to function on your own and that it is okay for you to make your own decisions. Now you need therapy. You need a lot of love and support that is judgment free, and this is not easy to find, and you have to dig deep to find the strength to not return when you are tempted because it will happen many times throughout the process.

You will get a glimpse into my process as I continue my story and see how I got through and the difficulties and what came next for me. So I hope you will continue to tune in for that. So where am I now? I'm rebuilding. I'm rediscovering joy in small things. I'm learning to trust, again, not just others but myself.

I've traveled, I've laughed, I've cried. I've had moments where I felt completely free and others where the past crept in, but I keep moving forward and I think that's very important that you have to keep moving forward, even if it's one step at a time, you know, set a goal, like move forward. 30 minutes.

Once you accomplish that 30 minutes, then move forward an hour. Once you've accomplished that hour, then move forward four hours. It's that constant process of moving forward that helps you and how you get through it.

Here's what I've learned since telling my story. Your story matters. Even if it's messy, healing takes time, and that's okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can take however much time you need. In fact, the more time you take, the better off you are.

You are not what happened to you. That's a really, really hard one to take on, but you have to forgive yourself and you have to know that what happened to you is not what you are. There is an after and you have to keep moving to the after speaking. Your truth is an act of courage, and it really is. It took me all of these years.

To finally speak my whole truth. And some people may say, why did it take you so long? Or It shouldn't have taken you that long. No, it takes you however long it takes you, and every single person is different. , And the time it takes for every single person is different. So don't think just because you're not.

Speaking your truth right away, or that it takes you many years before you can finally speak your truth that that's wrong. It's not. It's whenever the time is right for you and when you do it and takes a lot of courage to do it, but after you do it, the healing that comes is amazing. There is life after pain.

And it can be beautiful.

And again, that takes a long time to really understand

and to accept for yourself that you can have life after the pain that you've endured and that it can be a beautiful life, that there are better things out there for you. It may take a while, but you will get there.

If you're listening and you're in a place that feels dark or confusing, I want you to know you're not alone. There is light, there is hope, and there is a future waiting for you. Thank you for walking with me through the devil I loved. Thank you for holding space for my story, and thank you for being part of this journey.

Keep tuning in, subscribe so you don't miss any episodes. Share this with a friend who you think needs to hear it. Leave a comment. It does help the show. And I would love to hear your story or have you on as a guest. So please reach out to us at lamkintravel@gmail.com. That's L-A-M-K-I-N-T-R-A-V-E L@gmail.com.

Or sign up as a guest by clicking the link in our episode description. Until next time, this is Shannon. Reminding you to keep traveling, keep healing, and keep making memories for life.