JL Andrews - Jones (Letting Go) When Life Doesn't Go as Planned: Learning to Let Go

SPEAKER_04 0:00

In the author's spotlight. Where stories collide? Twenty authors waiting. Let curiosity guide. All genres invited. From horror district. Unravel the tales at our podcast heartbeat.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Welcome back to another episode of the Author Spotlight series. This is where we meet the people who create the stories we love. We talk about their latest book, their writing journey, and the story behind the story. And probably a few things neither of us plan to talk about. Because around here, the best conversations have a way of taking us somewhere unexpected.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

Oh, that is for sure. Today we're putting Jordan Lee Andrews Jones in the spotlight. Jordan, welcome to Travel Time Stories. We're so glad to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Before we dive into your book, I'd love for you to introduce yourself to our audience and tell us a little bit about who you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

My name's Jordan Lee Andrews Jones, and I write under the pen name JL Andrews Jones because I don't think my full name would fit on the spine of a book. My first book was Letting Go, and I will be publishing my third book in November, which I'm very excited about.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yeah. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Thank you. It's been a journey and a half. I never thought this is where I would end up, but life handed me very different cards than what I was expecting. I gained a disability in 2020 that has prohibited me from working a normal job. And that is how I started my writing journey.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Wow. I love that. I always say God closes one door to open another. So while gaining a disability isn't wonderful, at least it opened a door for another path for you to go down that you probably wouldn't have otherwise, you know. I couldn't agree more. Well, we're definitely excited to get to know you more and to talk about your book Letting Go. Your book is an intimate look at the emotions and experiences that we all carry with us, such as anger, happiness, isolation, and so on. And what it actually takes us to release those things that no longer belong in our futures. But I think what makes this story even more interesting is that you never intended to publish it. So let's start right there.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

So publishing it, it's actually a funny story. I actually started writing it right after my disability diagnosis. And I started grieving myself and who I thought I was going to be. It started before that when I was 19. I was diagnosed with my first autoimmune disease. And I was devastated because I knew life was gonna be a whole lot different than I thought it was gonna be. And basically things just went downhill. I didn't think it could keep going downhill, but it did. I have now got about five disabilities that are recognized. I have had probably about 20 surgeries in the last five years. I lost my grandfather in 2022, and I lost my be-all and my end all, my dog Baxter, last year. So this book had been in the making for a long time, but it was actually my journal that I flipped around so that it wasn't only what I was feeling, it's what everybody feels and how I interpret letting go of these emotions. And the idea to publish it came at three o'clock in the morning when all the best ideas happened. And I just decided I was gonna go for it. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

What a journey you've been on, Jordan.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

At such a young age, I just can't even imagine it. It's been a roller coaster, but like you said, one door closes and another opens.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

That's true. That is it's so true. So one thing that really stands out, excuse me, about letting go is that you're not trying to hand readers a simple formula for healing. You're creating space for them to sit with some pretty complicated emotions. Why was it important to you not to tell people how they should feel?

SPEAKER_00 4:58

I spent a lot of my life in therapy where I was told how I'm feeling. And there is only one way to get over it, and that is that. And it frustrated me to no end. It frustrated me because, like I've tried my best to do in letting go, you don't have to forget what you're feeling, what made you feel that way, but you can't let it control your life either. So that's where that came from.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

That makes so much sense. You explore everything from anger and resentment to grief, acceptance, and finally happiness. Was there one emotion that was especially difficult for you to put on the page?

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Resentment was a very difficult one. I have dealt with a lot of resentment growing up. I'm only human, it still happens. It's an emotion a lot of people are not proud of feeling, but we all do. Like I said, we're we are human.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Yep, exactly. And I loved um when I was reading the chapter on happiness. I love the way that you describe we have this expectation of happiness and that it's supposed to be this big, overwhelming, wonderful thing that happens that we can pinpoint it every single time. And I love how you say that's not actually the truth. Happiness can be in little things that we don't necessarily pinpoint as happiness. And I really love that you broke that down because most people don't think about that and they miss those little things that actually are happiness.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Definitely. And that came from the disabilities as I thought about my life before and the little things that made me happy. They weren't big things that would jump out at me. It was, you know, driving my car, going out for a cup of coffee, being able to get up to go make a cup of coffee. Little moments in life, they also contribute to happiness and like I said, it's not a huge big revelation.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Yeah, exactly. I think a lot of people forget that though, and so I love that you had that in there as a reminder for everyone.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

And I think uh sometimes we think letting go means that we're reaching a point where something no longer hurts us, but that isn't necessarily what healing looks like. So what does letting go actually mean for you?

SPEAKER_00 7:32

For me personally, letting go is accepting what has happened, what is happening, and moving forward, not necessarily forgetting, but allowing it to shape me becoming a better person.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Yeah. And I mean it's a very difficult thing to try and explain. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

It is.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

So one of the things that you had mentioned that you wanted to talk about is the emotional cycles that can come from grief and difficult experiences. And I think Ann and I have seen this firsthand. We both have spouses with disabilities that just happened within the last few years. And so they like you have are going through that grieving process of, you know, no longer being the person that they were, and now what is their life going to be moving forward? And a lot of people recognize that feeling, and you think you've dealt with something, and then suddenly, you know, you're right back inside it, you know, with that emotion that you thought you'd already moved past. So, why do you think we sometimes mistake revisiting an emotion for failing to heal?

SPEAKER_00 8:50

It can be pretty complicated. I'm gonna go back to my first disability diagnosis. So I have complex regional pain syndrome. It is ranked the most painful disease in the world, and there is no cure, obviously. So I had a spinal cord stimulator implanted in 2020. And this year, in July, I had to have my whole system replaced and it reopened the wound.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

And a lot of people say I carry myself very well, I deal with it very well, but that doesn't mean it doesn't come back and I don't re feel what I feel. My grandfather's birthday that opens a wound as well. And the grieving cycle, it starts again.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

So there's there's little moments that just restart the cycle. And I think I don't think you ever fully get over grief, to be honest. I think you just learn to manage it and learn how to deal with it.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

And eventually when you get older, you wrap it up into this little pillow that you keep. And when those feelings hit you, you just think about your little pillow and you squeeze on it, and it makes it better. So next time those feelings hit you, imagine you have it all wrapped up in a little soft pillow.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Well, that's actually a very clever way of doing it.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

I like that. So, and I also think that we're never really fully healed. We're constantly evolving and changing, and so yeah, you're never really fully healed from anything, I don't think. You just learn how to navigate it better or look at it from a different angle, that kind of thing. That's how I feel about it anyway.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

I feel the same way.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

I compartmentalize everything gets tucked into its own little box, and if I want to revisit that emotion, I open the box. And sometimes those boxes get opened when you don't open them yourself. As you said, your grandfather's birthday. That is just an emotional day for you, probably every time. So it definitely is, yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

I think acceptance, you can accept something and still wish that it had been different. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

It is okay. And I think there's a misconception where people, if they disagree with something, they don't think it's okay. But not everybody has the same opinion, not everybody feels things the same way, not everybody deals with things the same way, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah. Yeah. I think the important thing is to acknowledge that and to meet someone in their space and how they're dealing, versus trying to conform them to how you think things should be or how they should feel.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Exactly. Exactly. So one of the messages you wanted readers to take from the book is simply you're not alone in what you're feeling. Was there something you were experiencing while writing Letting Go that made you need to hear that too?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

With the grief, when I lost my grandfather, my mom lost her father. And my grandmother lost her husband. When I gained my disabilities, my mom lost the daughter she had and had to learn everything all over again. I think again, going back to how everybody feels things differently doesn't mean that they're alone in what they are feeling. Just they might express it in a different way. They might release it in a different way, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Yeah. So, Jordan, your own story really intersects with the book. It's in a sense, it's an autobiography, but then it's also, I would say, leans into self-help in a way. So it's kind of like a cross. And you say you never planned on becoming an author, and then you had your disabilities that happen. So who did you think you were going to become before illness changed your plans?

SPEAKER_00 13:07

I was in university studying psychology and English, and I had to drop out when my first autoimmune appeared, unfortunately. And then I started the route of makeup and beauty and all of that. And that's where my second disability came in, and I couldn't do that anymore. So there were a few different paths that I thought I was going down. And obviously, none of those worked out.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Right. Wow. So do you feel like you have to let go of that earlier version of your future in order for you to move forward in what you're doing now?

SPEAKER_00 13:50

I wouldn't necessarily say I need to let go of that person because that person shaped who I am now.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Yeah, for sure. Was there a moment, Jordan, when writing stopped being only a way of processing what you were going through? And you had a thought, hey, maybe there's something here that other people need to to hear or to know too.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Definitely. Basically, through the whole book, like I said, that book started as my own personal journal of feelings. And I eventually went back and read it, you know, and I was like, I can't be the only one who feels these things. Maybe I can help other people not feel as alone as I have felt, especially during the period where I was writing this journal. I felt very alone. I felt like I had no one to talk to. All the therapists were telling me you have to feel this way about the situation, and this is the only way to deal with it. And that was very, very frustrating. And it led me to feel very isolated. During all of this, as well, I lost myself. I lost a lot of friends, family members, and I, as a person, I'm a big empath, and I can't stand the feeling of other people feeling helpless.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

It impacts you greatly when you're empathic like that. So here's the part of your story that I really love. You didn't plan to become an author. You didn't even originally plan to publish Letting Go. But one book became Life Without Fantasies, and now you're working on a third book and a prequel. Apparently, nobody told the accidental author she was supposed to stop after one, Jordan.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

I'm a bit of an overachiever.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

I didn't want to say that, but I think writing suits you. I think maybe you were put on this path for a reason, Jordan, to help others.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

What's it been like independently publishing as a young South African author?

SPEAKER_00 16:07

It has been a challenge and frustrating. And I sit here some days, you know, what am I doing? Why did I do this? I think a lot of people forget in self-publishing that I don't have editors and stuff backing me up. So, yes, there might be a typo or a slight inconsistency that I've missed. People forget that. There's also a price tag that comes with independent publishing that I think people also forget about.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

And as a South African, it has actually been easier to get my books in America and the UK, get them selling there, than getting them into the bookstores here. I've only recently, on Friday, I my mom actually found it. It was the first time my book was listed in a South African store.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Oh my gosh. Why is it so difficult to get it published locally?

SPEAKER_00 17:12

So to get it in stores locally. The bookstores, some of them pull the we only do international authors. A lot of them, they want you to have a publisher behind your name. Or there's the they want you to buy all the books and supply them, but if they don't sell them, you're not making your money back.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Right. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

That's a problem.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Being disabled, I don't exactly have all the funds in the world to sit and print 50 books at a time for them not to sell.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Yeah, exactly. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

It's too bad they would let you set up a table and put a few books out and do like an author signing, you know, because you're a local author.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

That would be great. And unfortunately where I live is not I don't know how to put this. It's not safe here, firstly. We've had a bit of a an incident in the last month with a serial killer. So me going to put up a stand and stuff, it's just not safe.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah, it's not. Wow. That's really eye-opening in the difference between different countries and what you can and can't do and the opportunities that are available. Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Definitely. Uh when I do get the chance to inform people about South Africa, we've got big walls around our houses, electric fencing, barbed wire, um bars over the window, alarm systems at night. If the traffic light is red, especially if you're a woman on your own, if there's nobody coming, you go through that traffic light. You do not stop. I cannot imagine.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

That's hard.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yeah. It's been very difficult. Just last year, gender-based violence was declared a national emergency. But like I said, with the incident that's been going on for the last month, not much has been done about it.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Wow. I'm so sorry, Jordan. That has to be very difficult, especially on top of everything else that you're dealing with to have to be in that type of environment, you know, on a daily basis. That's stressful in itself. Very stressful. You know, and then yeah, I'm sure that stress, yeah, that stress is hard on your body. And then on top of that, what you're already going through. Right. Goodness. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

It's very stressful. I mean, you hear a noise in the garden at night. Now I'm awake, I'm looking out the window. If there is someone there, I hope they don't see me first. So a lot of us, we don't sleep properly at night. You can't. I personally have had not this house, but previous houses. I have had my house broken into three times. But this is just how I've grown up. I'm used to living like this.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Right. I was gonna say, yeah, for you, it's a normal thing, but for someone like us that didn't grow up in that environment on a daily basis, it's shocking to hear about and to know about.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

To know that you have to live that way.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yeah, exactly. And I'm sure it's also hard for your parents, even though they also grew up in that type of environment, as a parent, you want to be able for your child to have better and be better than what you had. So I'm sure it's hard for and difficult for them to see that you're still, you know, in that same environment and things haven't improved within the country.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

It's definitely been a challenge. My parents got divorced in 2016, and my dad moved down to Cape Town, and Cape Town, it's almost like you're in a different country. Oh wow. Okay. It is very well looked after, it is clean. I'm not saying you can go walking in the streets kind of thing. I still wouldn't recommend that. But there is a noticeable difference between Johannesburg and Cape Town.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

I always say to my mom, if I had the opportunity to pack my bags and leave tomorrow, I would. There is more opportunity for me out there than there is here.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Yeah. And that's what I was gonna ask you is if if you had the opportunity, would you make the decision to move if you could?

SPEAKER_00 21:40

I would be packing my bags already. But I do have a life here. I have responsibility here. I've got a boyfriend who I love very much. We've been together for almost seven years. He would never leave South Africa. He was born and bred for it.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Uh I've got my my grandmother here. Here and I don't think she's originally from the UK. Her and my grandfather moved here just after they got married. I don't think she would leave this house that I'm sitting in. My grandfather built it. Oh yeah. Yeah. And my mom, she would also leave in a heartbeat, but she's got me Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

Yes, very much so.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

Do you think you've discovered what kind of writer that you are yet? Or do you think you're still figuring that out with each book?

SPEAKER_00 22:33

I think with each book there is a recurring theme. Life Without Fantasies is a fiction psychological thriller. And Man's Best Friend, which is launching next month, is a romantic comedy. But if you look closely in all my books, the recurring theme is the complexity of human emotion. So while I'm playing around with different genres, I might stick to one, I might continue to write whatever comes to me. I think that theme will always stick around.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Yeah. That's a good theme. Yeah, that's a good theme. And as a writer, you need to leave yourself open to different genres and don't just put yourself into one specific lane.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Definitely. I always say to people, I'm not defined by all my illnesses, and I'm not going to be defined by one genre.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Yeah. Exactly. But I love that you have that underlying theme in all of your books. So keep definitely keep that. I love it. Yeah. So, Jordan, one thing that we like to do on here is what we call a lightning round. So we give you a this or that choice and you just tell us which one you would pick. So uh right to process or right to escape.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Process. Okay. Happy ending or complicated ending.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Complicated ending.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

So physical book or ebook?

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Physical book.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Yeah, me too. There's something about holding that book in your hands and the smell of the paper.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

The smell, I miss it so much. I had my septum fixed two years ago, and my smell has never come back, and that is the smell I miss the most. Oh my gosh. That would be horrible.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

I'm always saying to my boyfriend, does this smell like the book? Does this smell like a book? But he is not a reader, so he doesn't understand what I mean by does this smell like a book.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Right, yeah. You have to be a reader to understand that. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

So that paper smell that comes out of them. So good.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Yeah, exactly. So uh silence or music while you're writing. Silence. And are you a morning writer or a late night writer?

SPEAKER_00 24:56

A late night writer into the early morning.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Ooh, yeah. So a night girl.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Yes. I think I do think you're more creative during those hours.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Yeah. There's something about the the evening hours, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

I agree. I think it's because everybody is asleep, nobody's around to bother you. Exactly. And your thoughts can just expand on their own. Exactly. Yeah. With no interference from others.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Yeah, you can your imagination can just go wild. So Yeah, it's true. So do you like to outline first or do you just discover as you go? A bit of both. Yeah. I think it depends on what type of story that you're writing. I think sometimes you need an outline and then other times, depending on the story, you just kind of let the character speak to you and run wild with it.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Jordan, you started writing a book you didn't intend to publish. And somehow that turned into a writing career you didn't plan. So I think the obvious question is where is this unexpected journey taking you next? And so we've got some more books out on the pipeline.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

We definitely do. And the fun part about an unexpected turn is I have no idea where I'm going. I'm just going with it. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

That's the best life, is when you just go with it. Don't plan things out. Just be open to whatever and just go where it takes you.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Definitely.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Exactly. But Jordan, tell us where can everyone find Letting Go and follow you?

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Letting Go, along with Life Without Fantasies and Launch Day announcements, can be found on my website or my Facebook page, which is just JL Andrews Jones. My website is linked there. It's very easy to find. I also have Instagram, which I do my best to keep up with, but I'm one person. And all my books are available on Amazon, USA, UK, South Africa. There's a few other American retailers that I see have stocked the books, Walmart being one of them. Barnes and Nobles, they are all listed on Goodreads as well.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Well, Jordan, thank you so much for joining us and letting us go behind the pages of Letting Go and to get to know you a little bit more. We really appreciate it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Thank you both so much. And thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Absolutely. And if you ever get to America, then you definitely need to reach out to us. And we would love to meet you in person and show you around a bit. So that would be great.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

And if you ever take your trip to South Africa, your local tour guide is here waiting.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Awful. We will be contacting you for sure.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Exactly. You're welcome, see.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

Just so we can meet in person and see what all you have going on at that time.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Exactly. Have a tea or a coffee or something.

unknown 28:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

That would be great. To everyone watching and listening, you can find Letting Go and all of Jordan's information in the episode description and on our website, traveltimestories.com, where we will have a dedicated page for Jordan and her books and her information.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

And remember, every book has a story, but so does the person that wrote it. So join us each week.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

In the splendor of the arts, in the author's spotlight, we capture the hearts with every story shared. A new world takes flight. Dare to dream as we gather tonight.